why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
