So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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