Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
