so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
