I can text with my tongue
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
