I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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