im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Green mimosas i think yes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
