i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
