Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
