So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize