So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
