I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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