I need help removing her.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I could fuck to npr.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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