She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
