its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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