We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He passed out mid-signature
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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