Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
where are you?
Hypothermia
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
