yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize