I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
