I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
