Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize