There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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