getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
