So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
