She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Fuck appropriateness.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
