nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
