whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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