Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
