Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
