you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
