We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
