I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize