I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
