I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
