I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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