I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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