so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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