I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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