My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
