I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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