Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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