I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
