what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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