I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
