Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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