just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
