Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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