k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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