Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
