just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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