I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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