Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
