NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
