He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
