I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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