I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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