Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
