I can text with my tongue
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
