Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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