Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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