you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bring me that man meat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
