do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
