I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
