I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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