I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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