I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
