I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
