Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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