Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
