Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
