omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
