I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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