Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
