This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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