: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
