Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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