theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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