The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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