Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
