exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize