I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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