P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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