shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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