My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
