your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
