four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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