he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
