I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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