So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
