They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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