dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize