i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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