I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
