I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
