You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
