sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize