Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
