i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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