the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
