Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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