I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
