We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
