Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
