this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
