And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
