I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
