i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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