i drank out of a bidet.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
