An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
